What My Twenties Taught Me

As I stand on the precipice of a new decade, I find myself reflecting on the invaluable lessons that I learnt in my twenties. Lessons about habits and morality are discussed aplenty in classrooms, boardrooms and all manner of rooms, and I’d be lying if I said I was above such sappy discussions. But today's post is not about lofty ideals or grandiose philosophies. Instead, it's about the practical learnings that often slip through the cracks of academia. So, here's what I think schools and colleges should toss into their curriculum, even if just for kicks:

1. Creating a budget: When I got my first job, I foolishly flew halfway across the country to move to a new city, with about ten thousand rupees (about 120 USD) in my bank account. Even after my bank balance began rising slowly with the influx of my salary, I lived paycheck to paycheck for more than a year. 

It was then that an older coworker taught me something valuable. People usually tell young people to save money and cut down their expenses, and there’s some wisdom in that. I, on the other hand, received some unexpected advice. He said, “You are no longer a student, so lose the jugaad (scrimping) mentality. No point making do with a slow cell-phone or a laptop. A faster laptop saves time, and you get more work done. Spend for a comfortable commute instead of walking five kilometres to work daily, or at least buy good quality walking shoes. Make a monthly and quarterly budget and plan upcoming expenditures, and if you find yourself exceeding it, it’s not a sign that you must save more. It’s a sign you must earn more.”

2. Basic home repair: Knowing how to handle common household repairs can save both time and money. Fixing a leaky faucet, repairing a loose door hinge, patching a hole in the wall, unclogging a drain, or cleaning air filters accords one greater ownership of your living space and minimises reliance on professional handymen for every little task.

Besides the routine house cleaning and repairs, I also believe in the importance of decorating one’s home. The more work one invests into one’s home, the more time one wants to spend in it and nurture the relationships built in it. Having moved residences more times than I can count in the past decade, I've come to realise that I never truly felt at home anywhere because I neglected to invest time and resources into personalising rented spaces. I am glad to have discarded that misguided notion back in my mid-20s and instead nurtured a modest balcony garden in my current apartment. 

3. How to respond in crisis situations: Competence extends far beyond giving public speeches, acing exams or achieving financial success. True competence has range. How to be tactful if a friend calls you up and tells you that he or she is feeling suicidal. How to administer basic first aid in the event of an accident. How to be considerate if someone tells you that they or their family member has been diagnosed with cancer. How to take care of a sick roommate. How to talk calmly and specifically when calling for help (police, ambulance, the fire department) in case of emergencies. How to diffuse potentially violent situations. How to be useful at a funeral. 

4. Caretaking skills: One of my unpopular opinions that has landed me in the midst of several angry discussions is that every person should know how to cook proper meals by the time they are in their mid-twenties. Feeding oneself and the people whom one loves is not a burdensome responsibility to be outgrown in the modern era of self-actualisation and professional achievement. 

One should also be capable of doing household chores, taking care of babies and toddlers (regardless of whether one has kids or not), looking after a sick person, maintaining personal hygiene and grooming, providing emotional support, resolving conflicts peacefully, and ensuring safety in various environments. 

Being on good terms with neighbours , fostering positive relationships with local vendors, or sharing sweets with your driver during festivals are simple gestures that contribute to being an active and valued member of the community, marking a significant milestone in one's social integration. Such acts should not be hastily disregarded as insignificant by younger individuals.

5. Provider skills: Understanding the intricacies of taxation, including the process of filing taxes and the significance of tax savings.

The importance of life, health, accident, and car insurance coverage, and establishing an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses such as medical emergencies or job loss.

The importance of having multiple sources of income, and learning where and how to invest wisely: the drawbacks of keeping large sums in bank accounts, determining appropriate levels of liquid cash reserves, essential considerations when investing in real estate, including ongoing maintenance costs, how and when to take risks, calculating risk levels, and understanding the nuances of fixed deposits, stocks, and mutual funds. Until a few years ago, I saved arbitrarily, and while it is better than nothing, goal-based saving tends to be more rewarding.

Many people who have grown up in middle class families tend to avoid credit cards like the plague, but understanding how to leverage them effectively can prove advantageous in various situations. And of course, the importance of maintaining an impeccable credit score cannot be stressed enough.

I also happen to have a couple of female friends concerned about financial autonomy, and a few suggestions I have made to them include taking charge of their income tax filings and considering investments in gold. Even in arranged marriages, gold remains a tangible asset solely owned and managed by the woman, providing a sense of financial security and independence.

6. Professionalism: My early days in the workforce were marked by a sense of being an outsider. Joining a new job in an unfamiliar city was daunting enough, but the situation was further complicated because I was a mere 21 years old while my colleagues were all several years my senior, with backgrounds in STEM disciplines, while I hailed from the notorious realm of humanities. Adding to the challenge, I was not fluent in the local language.

With three piercings on my face, and clad in torn jeans and t-shirts with borderline inappropriate captions for a month, I realised my attire did little to command respect in an office setting. Though there were no explicit rules against such casual wear, I opted to overhaul my wardrobe, embracing sharper, more professional attire. I ditched the piercings and began to enjoy wearing shirts, blazers and waistcoats, and I noticed that people began taking me more seriously.

I sat up straighter, walked with greater assertion, and purged my speech of filler words like "umm" and "er," as well as question tags and other expressions of uncertainty such as "I guess." I learnt to keep eye contact even if I was speaking with someone way above in the hierarchy, and speak at greater ease. Even my handshakes became firmer. 

While I now employ emoticons and don't fret over an extra exclamation mark in my correspondence with colleagues, recognising that my professional reputation speaks louder than my informal tone, there was a time when my manner of speech and writing played a significant role in shaping my standing within the office and the industry at large, so I endeavoured to cultivate a more professional demeanour.

A common message often conveyed to young people, particularly young women, is that their professional setbacks are solely attributable to a patriarchal system that prefers them in the kitchen rather than in the workplace. This narrative suggests that numerous barriers need to be dismantled to facilitate women's advancement. While I acknowledge that uneducated women or those from rural backgrounds face disadvantages, I think that viewing oneself as a victim of corrupt institutions, unsupportive families, or a rigged system is far more disempowering. 

To compete effectively in male-dominated fields, typically found in most private sector offices across industries, it's necessary not only to embrace traditionally masculine traits like assertiveness and disagreeableness—which are correlated with workplace success—but also to bring comparable value to the table as male counterparts in similar roles. Expecting concessions such as period leaves or flexible work hours without demonstrating comparable dedication and efficiency can hinder one's progress. Profit-driven organisations are under no obligation to provide equal pay to individuals who work fewer hours and are more selective about job location unless those individuals prove indispensable. Self-respecting individuals should neither demand nor accept free handouts, even if they are offered.

Through these rites of passage I have come to appreciate the significance of those moments that shape our identity, values, and capabilities. While it's often said that one's twenties are meant for daring risks and life is fully lived through exhilarating adventures, I believe that it is the seemingly mundane routines of daily existence that make up the bulk of our lives. We work for eight hours a day in the same office with the same bunch of people, and ride the same bus to come home to the same apartment. We eat three meals a day with the same family members. So it is important to set up our lives in a way that aims for the refinement of these details that are repeated everyday, as their cumulative impact yields more satisfaction than sporadic indulgence in extravagant escapades.